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The Practice of Loving Presence — a new CD
by Donna Martin
The CD is available for $15 plus shipping costs. Please order from Donna. Thank you!
Nothing
we could ever do or work on or accomplish or achieve in life
is worth as much as making our relationships more loving and
kind… perhaps no other task is so demanding, so difficult,
so significant, so valuable as the task of being loving with
the people in our lives.
The practice of Loving Presence is based on the Hakomi Method and
the inspirational work of Ron Kurtz, who is the creator of the
method and of most of the exercises on this CD. Loving presence
is a state of mind and a way of being. It’s a state in which
you are open-hearted and well intentioned. In its purest form,
you’ll find yourself being spiritually nourished and more
sensitive to subtle energies and experiences. It is the best state
to be in when you are offering someone emotional support.
Here is how Ron Kurtz describes this state …
"Loving presence is easy to recognize. Imagine a happy
and contented mother looking at the sweet face of her peaceful
newborn baby. She is calm, loving, and attentive. Unhurried and
undistracted, the two of them seem to be outside of time… simply
being rather than doing. And, gently held within a field of love
and life’s wisdom, they are as present with each other as
any two persons could be."
When someone offers loving presence in relationship, the other
- without even noticing it - feels safer, feels heard, appreciated,
and even understood. When that happens, healing has already begun.
This is true in any kind of relationship. In a therapy context
it is fundamental.
We teach the practice of loving presence experientially using Hakomi-style
exercises from a sequence of simple steps. On this CD there is
a short talk about the practice, followed by instructions for some
of the key exercises… the entire CD is just under an hour
and can be used to guide your own personal practice or to facilitate
a group experience. The recording can be paused to allow for time
for mindfulness or discussion. It will give you a good taste of
the Hakomi approach to self-study as well as to the way we use
mindfulness for changing states of mind. The practice of Loving
Presence is relevant for all helping professionals, for anyone
who works with others, and for enhancing all kinds of relationships.
It is about finding new and creative ways to make relationships
nourishing and healing for everyone involved. Changing the habitual
ways we relate takes practice, and requires an experiential approach.
In these and other settings, it is well worth it!
Here are the steps we move through in the practice of loving presence:
mindfulness and self-study, relaxation and spaciousness, seeing
clearly and sensitively or perceptual wisdom, taking in non-egocentric
nourishment, and then simply being in loving presence.
Here is
one of the exercises from the CD:
"There is an exercise we call Intimacy that any two people can do to enhance their feeling of connectedness and what might be called "limbic resonance"…
Two people being loving and present with each other can begin to establish real intimacy by following a few, very simple guidelines. Here is a practice you can do with a willing partner.
In pairs, have a conversation while each of you looks at the other
softly but constantly. While your partner is speaking, just listen
and don’t interrupt! Pause a little after the other person
speaks before you respond. Maybe take a breath and slowly release
it. When it is your turn to speak, speak only about your present
experience. Speak about yourself and see how deeply you can go,
how personal and sincere you can be, talking just about your own
experience in this moment.
Pause when you’ve said what you want to say, and then let
your partner speak. This is a different kind of dialogue than an
ordinary conversation.
Continue for as long as you both like. Remember to maintain eye
contact and to speak in the present tense. Don’t interrupt
each other. Then discuss the experience."
Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg wrote:
The simple act of being completely present to another person is truly an act of love; no drama is required.
I want to thank Ron Kurtz with all my heart for his inspiration in giving us the Hakomi Method of mindfulness-based psychotherapy and especially for the Practice of Loving Presence… I hope the CD is inspiring and that you can make the practice an important part of your life.
The Practice
of Loving Presence with Donna Martin
1. introduction
2. loving presence
3. about mindfulness
4. mindfulness practice
5. guided imagery
6. Being With part one
7. Being With part two
8. Listen without Deciding
9. Groundlessness
10. "I Don’t Know" questions
11. Groundlessness in pairs
12. Priming the Pump
13. Search for Nourishment
14. Being With part three
15. Before You Speak
16. Responding from Loving Presence
17. Intimacy – a dialogue practice
18. Guidelines, quotes and conclusion
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